A 78-year-old man is sharing what has helped him “feel less alone” following the deaths of his longtime wife and their adult son.
Roy Ridley explained in an essay — titled “Since my wife died, I’ve lost all my friends” and published in The Telegraph on Feb. 21 — that among the ways he’s making new friends is through Re-engage, a charity that “hosts monthly tea parties for the over 75s to help combat isolation.”
“I get picked up by a volunteer and get to socialize with others my age,” Roy, who still lives in Essex, England, after his wife, Sandra, died in 2009 when she was 56. “It helps me feel less alone, and gets me out between my travels. Meeting new people helps me look after myself; it helps me dress well and keeps my mind active when I talk to others.”
Roy emphasized how Re-engage has made him feel younger, saying, “I’m 78 this year, but going out and traveling has kept me feeling like I’m 28.”
Elaborating on the title of his essay, Roy shared that although friends and family were “brilliant” to him immediately after Sandra died while they were on a trip in France, “calls and contact dried up altogether” in the weeks and months after the initial grieving process.
“I was on my own. We had always been so social; we’d always had people round,” Roy recalled of his “32 happy years” together with his beloved wife. “It made me realise that Sandra and I had always been ‘givers,’ but a lot of people who were our friends were ‘takers.’ When I had nothing to give, they were no longer interested in engaging with me.”
Roy went on to describe some of the lonely times after Sandra’s death.
“I stopped going to the pub then, preferring to drink at home with my records. I enjoy my model railway, I watch a lot of TV, and try to keep abreast of current affairs, but it can be quite isolating,” he admitted. “While I occasionally reached out to some of the couples we’d have over for dinner, I’ve lost contact with some of them, or they’ve passed away. The friends we met abroad never came to the U.K., so we lost touch.”
Then, in 2022, his 44-year-old son, Robert, died of bronchial pneumonia.
Over the years, Roy has also made new friends by doing what he, his wife and their son used to love doing together as a family: traveling.
“While I always enjoyed it with Sandra, I’ve gotten used to doing it alone. I go on around four cruises a year when I’m well enough, and that helps me to meet new people, see new things and keep my mind fresh,” Roy said.
Despite making new friends, Roy said he still misses Sandra, so he looks through the memory box filled with her pictures and thinks about her when he hears songs like The Eagles’ “Hotel California.”
“People say going out and meeting new people is like riding a bike — you never forget how — but it’s far more difficult than that, especially after a long time on your own,” Roy explained. “What’s important is that you keep going: you keep strong, and you carry on.”
